Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I'M REAL TIRED...

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Hi to all readers! Been a long time since I really blog about my personal life, so here I am today, going to rant about my boring and mundane life...

Sometimes, especially after a series of events that happened for the past few weeks, I begin to feel more lethargic each day. It feels as though going to school is such a chore now..Never the same as before, being very excited about going to school.

Well, let's cast the the workload aside. Actually, I don't really feel that much stress from work and I seriously mean it. I guess it all boils down to RELATIONSHIP already. Relationship with people, that is.

Actually, it's not like I had a major quarrel with some of them or so, but this makes things far worst and much more scary in a sense. Recently, I just feel as though I'm repelled from the circle of peeps whom I really hang out with... I mean, I don't remember having any dispute with them. So I guess if there really is an issue, I must have done it subconsciously.

Things can really go out of hand at times. Just like how an earthquake destroys buildings.

I tried to sense for any slight difference in attitude but, I failed to detect it. Maybe I'm dumb or something? But I seriously cannot sense anything abnormal. We talk like we used to, gather together etc. What on Earth can be wrong?

The funny thing will be that, though there are no real physical actions or behavior being shown, I still experience this feeling of awkwardness when I try to sit around with them and blend in. I just don't feel comfortable like I used to. Am I being too sensitive? I hope so...

So, what did I do? I moved away from them. That is the only solution that came to my mind. I just keep reminding myself "If you sense something wrong and people are not saying it, take the initiative to take the first step and move your ass out of there".

Well till now, I do not have any substantial evidence to say that they HATE me or anything. In fact, I may just be like real irritating or being a sensitive bitch. However, it's always better to be like save than sorry. I don't like to be too thick skinned as well. Sense something wrong? GET OUT OF THE PLACE!

Someone tried talking to me, a close buddy in fact. But, I'm still unable to get out of the hole I'm in now until things are totally clarified and as clear as crystals.

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This is just one of the case, there is another one...

I guess no one likes to be treated as though they are some substitutes or something right? Recently, I've encountered this problem. Being treated nicely when of good use to others, and thrash when not needed.

I do not understand like why people actually do this? I don't think I'm being sensitive over this kind of issue. Especially so when the other party actually showed obvious displeasure and stuff right in your face. Well, I like this kind of attitude though, being straightforward. But, what makes it irritating is, this person actually treats you hot and cold at times.

Can be very nice to you today, and tomorrow will show you face and attitude. Sometimes, it is only a split second. How nice. Why not go be those Chinese Face-Changing Master? You can win them, I swear!

All I can say is, I seriously don't like this feeling. What am I being treated as? Toy? I don't know. I tried being nice to everyone, I swear I did. But, most of the time I get shit. Taken for granted? I don't know... If I seriously did anything to offend anyone, can just come and tell me about it. Sometimes, some actions are not within our control so, clarify with me.

I dread school. I drag my feet to school. I hate being in school. I feel lonely. I feel out of place. I feel guilty. I feel emotional. I feel like a bastard. I feel shit. I feel sucky.

AND I REALLY DO FEEL SO!

I'm tired.....Real tired. I feel like giving up at times though I tried real hard...


BenVodaIsTiredAndFeelsLikeGivingUp

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