Tuesday, March 10, 2015

An End. A New Beginning.

It has been 3 whole months since I blogged. Or to be honest, I didn't even check my blog's status.
 
I guess people do move on at certain point in their life, moving on to greater or more important stuff.
In my case, I actually did not blog for a very long time because I do have much more important things on hand, such as schooling (which actually took up ALL my time). It need not necessarily mean that I am no longer interested in blogging or whatsoever. This actually meant that I am already at the stage where I start to prioritise things in my life. Just so happen that blogging got push back further down in the hierarchy chart.
 
I still post photos on InstaGram, and if I ma lucky for the month, I will receive paid advertorials as well. I am definitely still active on social media, but just not blogging because I really do not have time to sit down and put up a good post. Half-fucked post is not what I want on my blog as well.
 
So, why am I suddenly writing this lengthy and wordy blog post all of a sudden today?
Well, I do have like a news to break to you guys (if there are even any of you reading this at all).
 
I have officially quitted school from LASALLE.
For those who do not know, I was doing Interior Design in LASALLE, pursuing a Bachelor in it.
Erm, I started off last year and this April would be the end of my first year of studies.
 
But yup, I have just stopped schooling and I guess I do have a lot of thoughts running through my mind, which I can hardly fathom and piece them together, just like a newly unboxed jigsaw puzzle.
 
I would actually say that, it is not because I no longer enjoy what I was studying.
Rather, it was because I do not see myself going through what I was studying for the rest of my life, resulting in a lot of unhappiness as well. I did have a lot of inner struggles whether to continue with this course of studies or not. The struggles did not pass by easily due to the fact that ID has always been something which I am interested in but, do not have an opportunity to be associated with it. For all my study life, I was under the so call mainstream route of studies where I went to Primary school, Secondary school, then Junior College. What was common about all these 3 it that they are schools where there are strict timetable to follow and students are graded based on the examinations which are conducted twice every year. As such, a student's capability in studies or how smart are they, are actually determined through such means.
 
After JC, I actually decided that I will want to pursue something of my interest. Why should I continue waiting or rather, what am I waiting for? Am I suppose to wait till I am 50+ years of age before I pursue something I am interested in? Thus, I took a leap of faith, with lots of discussions with my parents, and enrolled myself into LASALLE.
 
In all honesty, I didn't really have a lot of issues adapting to the new environment. Afterall, it is an art school, thus a lot of friends actually worry that I might not be able to accustom myself to the new environment where everything is not so academic based. That is commented based on the sense whereby in art school, all our works are subjected to criticism and at times, the play of talent and luck as well. Our works might not be accepted by all the lecturers so, it might be harder to score as compared to JC where the answers to the questions are straightforward. A right is a right and a wrong is a wrong. In art school, the "answers" are subjective and not fixed.
 
The first semester, I wouldn't say that I did not have any struggles at all. I am in the Degree course, thus everything is much more independent and the lecturers do not spoon feed us, which I am perfectly fine with because I do not expect them to do so anyway. However, it came as a source of frustration as well because they were never really clear of what they want from us. One thing about the school is that I am glad they have like 3-4 lecturers for the studio session, which means that the class was able to get feedbacks from like different lecturers. However, there was also a flipside to it. The lecturers actually contradicts themselves at times...which made me even more lost than I already am. At the end of the day, I realised that most of my projects no longer flow ideas which I'd thought of. But rather, they are final products of what the lecturers want to see. One disclaimer: I am not blaming the lecturers for anything because I am grateful for their help all these while. This is just a personal reflection I have.
 
Well, I got through my first semester and I was actually surprised I survived and did relatively well too! However, that came with a lot a lot of sacrifices such as giving up family time and countless of sleepless nights. But truth to be told, it was very satisfying to see the end product of all the effort which was placed in the work.
 
Then the 2 months break kicked in and of course, everyone was enjoying their life after all the stress from school. I had a family overseas trip to Bangkok and I also went to Taiwan at the end of the year for countdown. Well, time flew by quickly and before we knew it, it was the commencement of the second semester. Well, the second semester actually started off quite well and I would say that a lot of us actually find that the pace of work was actually much slower compared to the first semester.
 
Everything seems to be flowing smoothly actually. But, I do have mind block moment, tons of them, when we have to fold origami and stuff. I guess, things got worst when I felt very rejected. I feel that in deign, sometimes hard work and effort do not necessarily mean that they will produce results. And I think that really got to me and affected my morale and drive to work harder.
 
I shall not dive too much into the details but all in all, I just felt very tired and worn out.
Not being able to spend quality time with family is really one of the main factors, especially with my grandmother. She has always been the one taking care of me since I was born and I felt that ever since school started, I really missed out a lot of time which I could spend with her. On weekdays,  I will be in school from morning 9am till evening 11pm, at least. I wouldn't be able to pop by her house to visit her despite her staying just opposite my block. I guess that really affected me.
 
Subsequently, I realised that I lost the drive and passion. I wouldn't really say that I am no longer interested in ID, but more of the fact that I felt I have given my all, and I will leave the place with no regrets because at the end of the day, I gave my all and I did put in 100% effort in it. But it's jus that I realised it might not be something I want to do as a career. I tried, at least. No ragrets.
 
I have been spending time at home with family and mum, doing my own stuff. Suddenly, I felt that I have breathing space. One thing to note is that, I am not spoilt, and couldn't take the stress and just quit like this. One thing all my friends know about me is that, I DO NOT like to quit. Slowly, over these 2 weeks, I am beginning to find myself back again. My plan for now is that, I will be looking at majoring in Mass Communications. Back then, it was between Interior Design or Mass Communications anyway. So, I am doing a lot of research on schools and stuff, I mean ideally everyone is asking me to go to Local Uni but I do not want to waste any more time, thus I might just enrol in a Private Uni. Well, I will do my research before deciding on the school.
 
For now, that's about it, And I feel great that I actually have an avenue where I am able to express what I am feeling (other than talking to my friends and family). Looking forward to what's in store for my future!  

3 comments:

  1. Good luck to you ben. I thought you're just quitting like that. Mass comm is good. Somehow I think you walk a different path from others since you clearly know what do you want. Jiayou! :>

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  2. I miss your videos :'( come back

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  3. I admire your courage Ben. Go chase your dreams, and let your heart be bigger than anything else :)

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